Category Archives: Parenting

Like a Father Teaches His Children

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In our Bible reading the other morning, we came upon this verse in 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12: “For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.”

I had always read this as the Apostle Paul encouraging the folks in Thessalonica and challenging them to live a God-honoring life. What I had never seen before is the fact that he explains that his encouragement is the kind a father would give to his children. Then, I began to consider the content of that encouragement. Needless to say, it is quite the challenge for us as fathers to encourage and charge our children in the way he describes here. So let’s take a couple of minutes and look at what we should teach our children.

Paul uses three words in verse 12. The ESV translates them exhort, encourage, and charge. Exhort means to ask for earnestly, beg, plead, or urge. The word encourage means to console, comfort and encourage. And finally, charge means to insist, implore, and involves testifying or witnessing to something. When you put all of this together, it means we as fathers should pursue the instruction of our children in such a way that we urge them along and beg them to follow the path we are teaching them. Along the way there will be failures and so there is a comforting and encouraging aspect to our instruction. No failure is final, and we should make sure our children understand that. Finally it involves imploring and insisting based on our own testimony that we are walking this same path and are witnessing to the fact that it is the right path, a path that leads ultimately to our sanctification and eternal life.

He then says that we should teach them to walk in a manner worthy of God. This can mean a couple of things. First, our walk is our manner of life. Therefore, we should encourage and charge our children to have a certain manner of life – a particular way of living. It’s not something to be taught once and then chalked up as a lesson learned. This is going to require time on our part, as Moses writes in Deuteronomy. We should teach and explain the ways of God when we get up, when we are going through our day, and when we are heading to bed at night (Deuteronomy 6).

What does it mean to walk in a manner worthy of God? First, let’s recognize that no one is perfect in this life. But with this understood, the goal is to be an example and to teach them to walk as God would walk. When we talk about living a godly life, we are talking about a life that looks like how God would live it if He were here. And, after all, He was here, wasn’t He? Jesus is God in the flesh and His life is our example. As 1 John 2;6 says, “He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.”

As I said earlier, it’s important to be an example in this process. It would do no good to teach your children to live like God would live if you are living an ungodly life. It’s a tough and narrow road, but if we are walking this road as faithfully as we know how, we can encourage our children to walk that same road with us. And we should do this day after day. Think, “How can I teach my children by instruction and example how to walk like Jesus today.” If you don’t do it today, you won’t ever do it.

The God we are teaching our children to follow is the God who calls us into His own Kingdom and glory. Believers are called a kingdom of priests who are to show forth the glory of God, and ultimately, we will be called to rule and reign with Him. You should encourage your children with this truth. If they savingly believe on Christ, they too will be called to participate in the heavenly reign of Christ. What a motivating truth!

Finally, Paul goes on in verse 13 to mention that the Thessalonian believers received the word of God, not as the words of man, but as the word of God. I believe this is an important truth. There are many ways to believe the Bible. But only one way saves, and that is if we believe that the Bible is what it claims to be, the word of God. One of the prayers I have for my grandchildren is that when they read the Bible, they won’t just read it as a historical document, but that they will hear it as God’s word to them. The word is living and powerful and our children need to be taught that, both by example and by direct teaching. Every time you read the Bible to them, tell them, “This is the word of God. Pay close attention.”

This portion of a letter to the Thessalonians that sounds at first like a pastor encouraging his congregation, is more than that. It is a reminder to us dads that this is the way we are to train up our children so that their manner of life will be worthy of God. May God help each of us as we train up our children in the way they should go.

Importance of Creating Encouraging Memories

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Life is interesting in a number of ways. There are twists and turns that we never expect and yet we continue day by day as God provides each new day for us. I used to tell my kids, “today is one of the days of your life.” Sometimes we think that our real life, the one biographers will write about, will start sometime in the future. But today is one of those days. If there ever is to be a biography it may include the events of today.

               This brings us to reflect on another interesting thing about life. The vast majority of our life is in the past and the future. There is only a small miniscule portion of life that represents the present moment. If you are reading this in the afternoon, your breakfast and all your morning activities are only memories. Nothing about them can be changed. Your evening activities are still only an anticipation. They don’t exist yet. They are not a reality yet.

               This brings me to the theme of this article. We are writing especially to parents and grandparents. Since only the present moment exists and quickly turns into a memory, our opinion is that we should plan the present moment and future moments so that we personally, but especially so that our children and grandchildren will have the kind of memories we want them to have. We’re not speaking here of special memories such as a trip to a museum or amusement park. We’re referring to day-to-day memories of events and conversations in the normal course of life. Do you want them to remember a high priority on spiritual growth or remember that all you cared about was getting ahead and having fun? What they remember from their childhood is probably where they will put the priorities for living their lives and the training of their own children.

You only have one opportunity each moment to provide the memories. Once your children are out of your home, those memories are fixed and there is no way to go back and change them. So it seems to us that it’s important to think ahead. Now it’s impossible to plan perfectly and you can drive yourself crazy wondering if today’s memories will be the kind you want your kids to remember. However, it seems to us that very few people give this any thought at all.  Deuteronomy 6 speaks of this concept: “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6–9, NKJV).

Notice that the writer speaks of “teaching diligently”, talking about spiritual truth while you sit in the house, while you are out walking, at bedtime and first thing in the morning. He says we should have signs and symbols around the house that speak of the kind of life God wants us to be living. All of these things will provide memories of a pattern and atmosphere that permeated your home. Grandparents, you can do the same thing. When your grandchildren are with you, you can speak of things related to God, His creation, His wisdom, His faithfulness to you in the past, etc.

Many times our focus as parents and maybe especially grandparents is what stuff we can give to our children. Stuff wears out and breaks, but the memories our children and grandchildren take with them cannot be destroyed. That’s both a good and bad thing depending on what those memories are like.

As we go through life, it is impossible to do everything. There is not enough time to provide every opportunity and experience for our family. Therefore, we must pick and choose what we will do and what we will provide. The Bible says, “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent…” (Philippians 1:9–10, NKJV).

We are called upon to be discerning, to evaluate and then to approve the excellent. Paul wrote to the Thessalonian Christians, “Test all things; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21, NKJV).

God would have us evaluate everything and then approve and hold fast to what is good and excellent. We are to redeem the time (Colossians 4:5). The reason for these admonitions is because everything we do, we are to do for the glory of God. And since we cannot do everything there is to do, even among the things that aren’t sinful, we are to choose the best and wisest course every single day. In so doing, we will be providing our children and grandchildren with those experiences that will be worth remembering and will build them up in their faith.

So what kind of memories do you want your children or grandchildren to remember? Order or chaos? A quiet and calming environment or a loud and boisterous atmosphere. A soft answer that turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1), or loud and angry correction (James 1:20)? Will you help your family seek first the kingdom of God so that all of the other things will be provided for them (Matthew 6:33)?

What kind of memories are you creating for yourself and your family? If you’ve been on the wrong course, you may not be able to repair the memories already there, but with God’s help you can change direction and begin providing new memories that will redound to the glory of God.