Monthly Archives: October 2021

Ephesians 5:28-30

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“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:28–30)

Following up on our thoughts last time, Paul says that husbands should love their wives the way Christ loves the church. We discussed that part of the verse earlier, making the point that our love of our wife should help her become more holy and blameless.

Verse 28 goes on to say, “He who loves his wife, loves himself. That’s kind of a strange way to express this, but it is an important statement. The Bible says that a husband and wife are one. Malachi 2 explains that the reason for that oneness is that God desires godly offspring. The purpose of uniting a man and a woman is not only for companionship, but also because God is looking for godly offspring. Not just offspring, but godly offspring. Further, Malachi explains that a divorce is a violent, bloody thing. Why? Because God has made them one. That’s why Jesus says, “what God has joined together, let not man separate,” Matthew 19:6. When God joins two things together, it is a strong joint. Separating tears at all aspects of the bond.

A husband and wife are not metaphorically one. They are, at least in God’s eyes, actually one. That leads us back to this verse. When a man loves his wife he loves himself. Your wife is one with you.

Verse 29 carries the theme with the obvious statement that no one ever hated his body, but loves it and takes care of it and nourishes it. We do nourish it, don’t we guys? Since we are one with our wife, loving our wife is equivalent with loving our self. Now, think about this: When we act in selfish or competitive ways toward our spouse, we are not living in the light of this truth. We are one. So if our wife gains in some way, we have gained in some way. Jealousy over some thing or honor she may have received is an indication that we really don’t believe in this oneness.

In the same way, Christ loves the Church because the Church is His body. We are one with Christ. Christ loves Himself in the right way and therefore He also loves us because we are part of His body.

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Ephesians 5:27

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

A husband’s relationship to his wife is compared to Christ’s relationship to the church. And the husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loves the church.

One of the purposes for the cleansing of the church discussed last time, is that Jesus might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, holy and blemish-free. The next verse begins with “In the same way husbands should love their wives.”

Jesus’ goal in cleansing His bride with the word was to make her holy, etc. In the same way, we husbands should be using the Word of God to help our wife grow in holiness. There are two reasons for this in my opinion.

First, holiness is something God seeks. Therefore, by helping our wife grow in holiness through our ministry of the Word to her, we are helping her to be more Christ-like, and therefore we are used of God for the sanctification of one of His children, namely, our wife.

But the second reason, I think, is more subtle. Jesus uses the Word to sanctify His wife so that He might present her to Himself without spot, etc. Could it be that one of the outcomes of our ministry to our wife through the Word is that we might present our wife to our self as a more beautiful, spiritual, godly person? Think what that would mean for our marriage, our relationship, and our testimony to both family and friends.

Because there is no such person as described here as holy and without blemish in actual living, an important truth to keep in mind is that we are made holy by the blood of Christ and declared to be so based on the fact that we believe the gospel. That means a key part of our responsibility to our wife, and our family as well, is to make sure they understand the gospel and are standing on that ground, the ground that says we are declared righteous and holy, based, not upon our performance, but on our faith in Christ.

We need to be sure we are standing on that ground and that our wife is standing there with us. The fears that women are often vulnerable to are often based on feelings. Faith in the gospel may produce feelings, but it is not grounded on feelings. We must know the facts of the truth of the gospel, believe that truth, and let the feelings do whatever they do. Helping our wife to understand that and to live there, is an important part of our ministry and gift to her.

Ephesians 5:26

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” (Ephesians 5:25–26)

Last time we were talking about the fact that we husbands ought to be giving up ourselves to the task of helping our wife grow in her holiness.

What’s interesting to me is that if anyone in the home is interested in growth in holiness, it is more likely to be the wife. And yet, we are given the responsibility of nurturing our wife in spiritual things so that her growth in grace is evident to all.

The second half of verse 26 talks about Jesus cleansing His bride by the washing of water with the word. In John 15:3 Jesus says that the disciples are clean through the Word that was preached unto them. That is our responsibility as husbands.

As a Christian husband, I am the spiritual leader of my home. You are the leader of your home. It’s almost although we serve as pastors of our home. With that as our responsibility, what should we be doing? We should minister to our wives through the word.

What that means is to read, memorize, and meditate on the word so that it becomes an integral part of our life and personality. Then, we are to take the fruit of that word-saturated life and feed our wife with the spiritual truth that comes from it.

There are a couple of cautions I would mention. First, there is a tendency to wait until we think we have matured to the degree where we feel like we have something to offer. If you are newly married or just coming to grips with this teaching, don’t wait, but instead, begin immediately to spend time in the word and share with your wife what God is teaching you. You may stammer and stutter through it, but get started.

The second mistake, especially if your wife is more “spiritual” than you are, is to let her lead you. Yes, you can learn much from a wife who is well-versed in the Scripture, but even so, you need to share with her what God is teaching you. Don’t take a back row seat in this endeavor. Your pastor or another godly man in your life will be able to help you find the study materials, commentaries, and other sources that will help you in your spiritual growth.

The third mistake men fall into is the thought that they can become knowledgeable and mature in a week, and when it doesn’t work out that way, they become discouraged with the whole process. It takes time, but anything worth doing takes consistent efforts, one step at a time, one day at a time, to accomplish the goal.

When Paul talks about the role of women in the church, he writes that women should be silent. But here is the part I think is especially interesting. If a wife has a question that comes to mind during a church gathering, she should wait until she gets home and then ask her husband (1 Corinthians 14:35).

What does that mean, men? It means we need to be wide awake and alert when it comes to our spiritual growth and the teaching in our church, so that when our wife asks us these questions, we can answer them. If we don’t know the answer, we shouldn’t send them to the pastor to find out, we should go ourselves, learn the answer, and then go home and explain it to our wife. It is our responsibility to love our wife like Christ loved the church, sanctifying her and washing her with the Word of God.

Ephesians 5:25-26

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,”

When it comes to husbands loving their wife as Christ loved the church, what is involved? The end of verse 25 into verses 26 and 27 provide interesting and helpful insights.

Jesus gave Himself up for His church. We men often take this as being willing to lay down our physical life to protect our wife. And, it certainly does mean that, but much more.

The laying down of Jesus’ life had a purpose, and we find that purpose in verses 26 and 27. The first step in this chain is sanctification. Jesus gave Himself up for His bride in order to sanctify her. Men, we need to have a sharp focus on the sanctification of our wife. What does that mean? Sanctification is the process of becoming more holy. One of the main responsibilities we have in our marriage is to increase the holiness of our wife.

Now, that presumes that we ourselves are growing in our sanctification. We can’t help strengthen and support the sanctification of our wife if our life is in a downward spiral as far as our own holiness is concerned.

This responsibility requires intention, time, and forethought. It’s not something that will just happen. In turn, then, this requires a laying down of our life for her. Why? Because in order to help her, our own growth and planning require that we give up some of the things that we would rather do. When you look at the lives of other men around you and their interests and hobbies, you may not be able to involve yourself as deeply as they do, because you have a far greater mission in life — that of providing for the spiritual growth of your wife. This might seem like an intimidating challenge, but it is one we should accept gladly. God has made us to be strong leaders, not demanding thugs, but being a leader, especially a spiritual one, means we have to have goals and a plan to meet those goals. What are your plans for helping your wife to grow in her relationship to God?

To be continued…

Ephesians 5:25

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

We’ve been discussing the role of wives in the home. Now, let’s turn our attention to the role of husbands. Paul is continuing his instruction on Christian relationships as a result of being filled with the Holy Spirit.

Husbands are to love their wives. The word for love here is the familiar word, agape, which is explained and defined for us in 1 Corinthians 13. This kind of love sacrifices for another. It does not take notice of faults against it. It is patient and kind. The descriptions could go on. Read and study 1 Corinthians 13 if you want to grasp what this kind of love is like.

The comparison that Paul is seeking to demonstrate here is the love of Jesus Christ toward His church. And what is the primary characteristic of Christ’s love for the church? He gave Himself up for her! He literally sacrificed Himself for the well-being of the church.

Now, some of us husbands will readily say that we would defend our wife from danger or take a bullet for her. But some of the more daily routine demonstrations of that same love are hard to come by. But we need to notice that our Lord’s giving Himself for the church is more than His death for her. His focus is on her spiritual growth and development. We’ll talk more about this next time.

For now focus on two things: First, our love for our wife should be agape love described for us in 1 Corinthians 13. Second, we should model our love for our wife after Christ’s example toward His church.

Ephesians 5:23-24

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“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Ephesians

Ephesians 5:23

We began to talk about the topic of submission of one to another in the Christian community last time. Paul focuses first on the relationship of husbands and wives. And, as we saw last time, wives are to be submissive to their own husbands.

Today we continue that thought into verses 23 and 24. In giving the rationale for this statement, the Bible tells us that the husband is the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the church, his body.

We need to ask ourselves in what way Christ is the head of the church. He is the head because the church is His body. The Bible tells us that when they marry, a husband and wife become one flesh just as Christ and the church (verses 31 -32).

Because the picture between Christ and the church and a man and his wife are pictured as a body, what or who represents the head of the body? For the church, Jesus the Messiah is the head. In the husband wife relationship, the man is given the role of the head.

Now, as I mentioned last time, being head does not mean better, smarter, wiser, more talented, etc. We know it doesn’t involve intelligence or ability because the Bible says God is the head of Christ. And we know that they are coequal. But, yes, in the home, there needs to be discussion and mutual planning in marriage, but when the decision or course of action is to be made, someone has to provide the leadership and give the final ok. That person is the husband according to the Bible.

Verse 24 clarifies this even more. Paul writes, “As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Notice the word, everything. The church is to submit to Christ. Wives are supposed to submit to their husband.

In this current culture, that is a radical statement. There is an anti-patriarchal sentiment in our culture. As individual Christians we are going to have to decide where we stand on the authority of Scripture as it relates to all aspects of our lives, not just the areas that we choose.

Now, in case you are reading these ideas for the first time, be advised that this passage goes on to explain and command the responsibility of the husband. We will get into that next time, but note that God expects the husband to love his wife like Christ loves the church, and as He has given Himself for her, and as He has served her to increase her beauty and holiness. I would suggest to you that a wife who is treated this way by her husband will have no problem fitting into the role God has for her within that relationship.

Battle Strategy 12 – Accountability Partnership

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(The list of these strategies in chart form can be found here.)

Battle Strategy 12: I have someone with whom I can be brutally honest about my temptations and failures. This person helps keep me accountable.

It is important to have at least one friend with whom you can be honest about your temptations, failures and struggles. Two verses come to mind:

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17, NKJV)

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (James 5:16, NKJV)

This person must be someone whom you can trust. You are not going to share much with someone who you think will be talking to others about what you share with him.

This person also must be someone who has the courage to ask you the tough questions. There are not many people like that. One thing that keeps people from asking tough questions is that they know they will be asked the tough questions back. Both parties in an accountability relationship must be able to answer the same questions. Most of us are trying to hide who we really are. We know we fail, and we do not like to let others know that we are not really what we seem to be on the surface.

It often takes time to develop a relationship like this. The relationship will likely start out at a superficial level. But as time progresses and as honest discussions take place, the relationship can deepen to the point of being helpful in the battle against sin in both people’s lives.

In Scripture we read:

“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13, NKJV)

Covering sin is not wise or helpful. And so we must be able to share freely with another person in order to keep from covering our sin. On the other hand, it’s not necessary to be confessing our sins publicly in church gatherings, especially if those sins are not publicly known and are not against the church.

Sometimes people will get together with others who are having the same struggles and then confess to one another in that context. If no one in the group is having success at overcoming the particular sin they are dealing with, there is not much hope for improvement. It can turn into a time where everyone admits that there are no solutions, and so rather than seeing improvement and victory, there is a downward spiral that hurts everyone in the group.

What needs to take place is confession of sin with another person who is able to speak truth into your life in such a way so that there can be healing of the damage caused by the sinful behavior. Then the promise of James 5:16 can be realized – healing and help.

Priority Goal 12: I will identify and get together with a Christian friend so that the two of us can have an open and honest accountability relationship.

Battle Plan Strategy 11 – Focusing on the Grace of God

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Battle Strategy 11:  I am focused on the grace of God in Christ. There is no condemnation since I’m in Christ. God’s grace is teaching me to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts. I realize that focusing on the law will only increase sin’s power.

 It is God’s goodness that leads to repentance (Romans 2:4). When we come to Christ in faith, we are justified so completely that all of our sins have been forgiven and removed by God. In place of those sins, Christ’s righteousness is applied to us. We stand completely justified and there is now no condemnation for them that are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

Some people interpret this as an excuse to sin. However, God tells us that when His grace is present, it teaches us. If that teaching is not present then the grace is absent as well. Salvation is not just the forgiveness of sin, it is the active working of God in our lives such that teaching occurs. This grace teaches us to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts and to live soberly, righteously and godly lives (Titus 2:12).

Sometimes in the commendable effort to squelch sinful tendencies, we reinsert the law. But the scripture clearly tells us that the law actually strengthens sin.

“The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law.” (1 Corinthians 15:56, NKJV)

“But sin, taking opportunity by the commandment, produced in me all manner of evil desire. For apart from the law sin was dead. I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died. And the commandment, which was to bring life, I found to bring death. For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me.” (Romans 7:8–11, NKJV)

We might conclude from this that the law itself is sinful. Paul’s argument in Romans 7 is that sin is the problem. The law is good. But the nature of law is to arouse sin and show us that it is there. Just think of what happens when you tell a child not to eat the fresh cookies that are cooling on the kitchen counter. You know what happens!

So what we are trying to say in this particular battle plan step is that we need to place more focus on the grace of God, what He has accomplished in Christ, and the fact that in Christ we have been released from the guilt and burden of sin. It might not feel like it, but it is important to know the facts, then believe the facts, and allow our feelings to follow along after.

Many people have that order reversed and rely on feelings for determining facts and truth. The order is this:

Facts first –>  Belief of the facts –> Allow the feelings to follow.

Don’t put feelings first!

Priority Goal 11: By faith I will believe and act upon the truth that I have been forgiven of every single sin I have committed or ever will commit because of Christ and His death on the cross in my place.