““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Christ nourishes and cherishes His body because we are members of His body. Just as we humans care for our bodies, Jesus cares for His body which happens to include us. This is the truth that ended verse 30.

Now verse 31 begins with the word, therefore. Because of the truth we have just studied in the previous verses and Christ’s love and care for His body ,… because of those truths, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

The nature of marriage in the leaving and joining of two into one is a picture of the truth of Christ being one body with the church. He is the head. We are members of His body. Some manuscripts even add the words “of His flesh and of His bones” at the end of verse 30. We need to recognize that if we have trusted Christ, we have been joined literally to Him. Marriage is to be a picture of this truth lived out in living color for the world to see.

When marriages break up, it is a violent thing, according to Malachi, and covers ones garments with blood. Divorce not only destroys the marriage, but it destroys the picture of Christ and the church and gives the world a false impression of the reality of that union.

This section wraps up with the challenge to each of us to love his wife as he loves himself. And the wife is given the challenge to respect her husband. The times we live in are not favorable to marriage, but we Christians need to do all we can with God’s help to live the married life in a way that is honoring to God and a testimony to the world.

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“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:28–30)

Following up on our thoughts last time, Paul says that husbands should love their wives the way Christ loves the church. We discussed that part of the verse earlier, making the point that our love of our wife should help her become more holy and blameless.

Verse 28 goes on to say, “He who loves his wife, loves himself. That’s kind of a strange way to express this, but it is an important statement. The Bible says that a husband and wife are one. Malachi 2 explains that the reason for that oneness is that God desires godly offspring. The purpose of uniting a man and a woman is not only for companionship, but also because God is looking for godly offspring. Not just offspring, but godly offspring. Further, Malachi explains that a divorce is a violent, bloody thing. Why? Because God has made them one. That’s why Jesus says, “what God has joined together, let not man separate,” Matthew 19:6. When God joins two things together, it is a strong joint. Separating tears at all aspects of the bond.

A husband and wife are not metaphorically one. They are, at least in God’s eyes, actually one. That leads us back to this verse. When a man loves his wife he loves himself. Your wife is one with you.

Verse 29 carries the theme with the obvious statement that no one ever hated his body, but loves it and takes care of it and nourishes it. We do nourish it, don’t we guys? Since we are one with our wife, loving our wife is equivalent with loving our self. Now, think about this: When we act in selfish or competitive ways toward our spouse, we are not living in the light of this truth. We are one. So if our wife gains in some way, we have gained in some way. Jealousy over some thing or honor she may have received is an indication that we really don’t believe in this oneness.

In the same way, Christ loves the Church because the Church is His body. We are one with Christ. Christ loves Himself in the right way and therefore He also loves us because we are part of His body.

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

A husband’s relationship to his wife is compared to Christ’s relationship to the church. And the husband is supposed to love his wife like Christ loves the church.

One of the purposes for the cleansing of the church discussed last time, is that Jesus might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, holy and blemish-free. The next verse begins with “In the same way husbands should love their wives.”

Jesus’ goal in cleansing His bride with the word was to make her holy, etc. In the same way, we husbands should be using the Word of God to help our wife grow in holiness. There are two reasons for this in my opinion.

First, holiness is something God seeks. Therefore, by helping our wife grow in holiness through our ministry of the Word to her, we are helping her to be more Christ-like, and therefore we are used of God for the sanctification of one of His children, namely, our wife.

But the second reason, I think, is more subtle. Jesus uses the Word to sanctify His wife so that He might present her to Himself without spot, etc. Could it be that one of the outcomes of our ministry to our wife through the Word is that we might present our wife to our self as a more beautiful, spiritual, godly person? Think what that would mean for our marriage, our relationship, and our testimony to both family and friends.

Because there is no such person as described here as holy and without blemish in actual living, an important truth to keep in mind is that we are made holy by the blood of Christ and declared to be so based on the fact that we believe the gospel. That means a key part of our responsibility to our wife, and our family as well, is to make sure they understand the gospel and are standing on that ground, the ground that says we are declared righteous and holy, based, not upon our performance, but on our faith in Christ.

We need to be sure we are standing on that ground and that our wife is standing there with us. The fears that women are often vulnerable to are often based on feelings. Faith in the gospel may produce feelings, but it is not grounded on feelings. We must know the facts of the truth of the gospel, believe that truth, and let the feelings do whatever they do. Helping our wife to understand that and to live there, is an important part of our ministry and gift to her.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” (Ephesians 5:25–26)

Last time we were talking about the fact that we husbands ought to be giving up ourselves to the task of helping our wife grow in her holiness.

What’s interesting to me is that if anyone in the home is interested in growth in holiness, it is more likely to be the wife. And yet, we are given the responsibility of nurturing our wife in spiritual things so that her growth in grace is evident to all.

The second half of verse 26 talks about Jesus cleansing His bride by the washing of water with the word. In John 15:3 Jesus says that the disciples are clean through the Word that was preached unto them. That is our responsibility as husbands.

As a Christian husband, I am the spiritual leader of my home. You are the leader of your home. It’s almost although we serve as pastors of our home. With that as our responsibility, what should we be doing? We should minister to our wives through the word.

What that means is to read, memorize, and meditate on the word so that it becomes an integral part of our life and personality. Then, we are to take the fruit of that word-saturated life and feed our wife with the spiritual truth that comes from it.

There are a couple of cautions I would mention. First, there is a tendency to wait until we think we have matured to the degree where we feel like we have something to offer. If you are newly married or just coming to grips with this teaching, don’t wait, but instead, begin immediately to spend time in the word and share with your wife what God is teaching you. You may stammer and stutter through it, but get started.

The second mistake, especially if your wife is more “spiritual” than you are, is to let her lead you. Yes, you can learn much from a wife who is well-versed in the Scripture, but even so, you need to share with her what God is teaching you. Don’t take a back row seat in this endeavor. Your pastor or another godly man in your life will be able to help you find the study materials, commentaries, and other sources that will help you in your spiritual growth.

The third mistake men fall into is the thought that they can become knowledgeable and mature in a week, and when it doesn’t work out that way, they become discouraged with the whole process. It takes time, but anything worth doing takes consistent efforts, one step at a time, one day at a time, to accomplish the goal.

When Paul talks about the role of women in the church, he writes that women should be silent. But here is the part I think is especially interesting. If a wife has a question that comes to mind during a church gathering, she should wait until she gets home and then ask her husband (1 Corinthians 14:35).

What does that mean, men? It means we need to be wide awake and alert when it comes to our spiritual growth and the teaching in our church, so that when our wife asks us these questions, we can answer them. If we don’t know the answer, we shouldn’t send them to the pastor to find out, we should go ourselves, learn the answer, and then go home and explain it to our wife. It is our responsibility to love our wife like Christ loved the church, sanctifying her and washing her with the Word of God.